...

There's a shadow just behind me,

shrouding every breath I take,

making every promise empty,

pointing every finger at me.

Waiting like a stalking butler

who upon the finger rests.

Murder now the path called "must we"

just before the son has come.

Jesus, won't you fucking whistle

something but the past and done?

Why can't we not be sober?

I just want to start this over.

Why can't we drink forever.

I just want to start things over.

I am just a worthless liar.

I am just an imbecile.

I will only complicate you.

Trust in me and fall as well.

I will find a center in you.

I will chew it up and leave,

I will work to elevate you

just enough to bring you down.

Trust me.

Mother Mary won't you whisper

something but what's past and done.

Trust me.

I want what I want.

...

well... it's been a long time since my last post. it's because i've been very busy here and because my older brother is always using the laptop. i'm not enjoying my vacation because i'm always stuck at home doing chores or helping my mom landscape the yards. there's always something to do here. i don't know why. i'm kinda getting tired of it. uhm... so far i've only applied to one college here. the los angeles valley college. that's probably where i'm gonna study for my first two years. then i'll transfer to a university somewhere and finish there. i have to end this post now because it's already late...

.................

um... this is my first post so i don't really know what to say... well, my life has been a bit confusing these past few weeks. i don't really know what to do... i don't know what to think... i'm just writing this post because i have nothing else better to do during our computer class. i should be doing my machine problem but i don't really feel like doing it. most of my classmates, friends and even relatives don't know that i might be leaving in a few months... well, i really don't know what's going to happen to me when i move back there... part of me wants to go but the other part doesn't want to leave. my mom told me to decide where i would stay but i don't really think i have a choice since i'll be the only one left here if i stay. i'm ending this post because it's already time to leave... i'm really confused...